Going anywhere
by fluffystwin
Summary: Dean can only see the bottom of his bottle while Castiel can only see a fool who can't see what is in front of him.


Fluffystwin: So, I have finally decided to publish a Supernatural fanfic. I've been hoarding some of them because I wasn't quite sure if I should post them, but this one was a nice kick out of the rut one and tis all thanks to these lovely videos by deductism (she's waywardism on tumblr so go find her). So, this is a thanks for those videos for her. Now everyone can enjoy some lovely Destiel.

-X-

Another bottle gone as it rolled across the floor of the shitty motel room. He stared down at the glass, a reflection catching his attention. A reflection of what he looked like. He quickly reached for it and chucked it at the wall. Taking great pleasure it watching the glass shatter and rain to the floor. He stumbled his way back to the table where another bottle sat waiting for him. He unscrewed the top of the square bottle and tipped it back without thinking. Amber liquid slipped from the corner of his mouth yet he didn't bother with wiping it away. He reeked of whiskey and bourbon, but he couldn't tell. His vision wavered as spun around on his heel. He quickly grabbed the chair, but fell straight to the floor. Jack spilling on him and the floor. Yet another fuck he did not give. He stretched out on the floor and brought the glass back up to his lips. Trying to find solace in a bottle that gave him the numbing comfort he needed. His eyes drifted closed as he tried to block out the last conversation he had had with the one member of his family that he cared for. They were falling apart. Everything in his life was coming apart. Another swig. He should have stayed where everything was oh so pure. He rolled himself on to his stomach and he half crawled, half dragged himself to his duffel bag. There reflecting the low lighting was the one thing he had been looking at for the past few days. It taunted him with each reflection. Teased him to grab it and pull the trigger. It never looked better than it did today. His shaky hand came out and gripped it tightly. He readjusted himself to lean against the foot of the crappy bed. His other hand came up and tilted the bottle back. He coughed as some refused to go down, but eventually the harsh liquid was forced down.

The burn felt good. Felt better than anything else was besides the cold of the metal as the barrel pressed against his temple. His flushed skin found the cold refreshing, even if his brain was on overdrive trying to process why exactly he was doing this. He wasn't even sure if he even knew why he had spiraled out of control. All he knew was that he was tired of this painful ache within that wouldn't go away. It hurt. It hurt beyond what he knew how to secret away and not show. He wasn't able to hide it anymore and it drove him crazy. This ache never went away. It just grew bigger with each passing moment.

He didn't hear the soft flutter of wings as he was lost within his own thoughts.

"Dean…"

"Go the fuck away Cas," Dean slurred as he pointed the bottle at him.

Castiel hesitated for a moment before he kneeled down beside Dean and his fingers came out to gently grasp the cold barrel, pulling it away from his head. Dean jerked his hand back trying to rip the gun from the angel's hand, but his wrist was held in a tight grip. Castiel peeled the gun from Dean's shaking fingers before tossing it lightly back in to the duffel bag where it should have stayed. Dean automatically tried to shove Castiel away from him. Dean's limbs were weak and shaky as all the strength in his body was in those empty bottles dotting the floor.

"Dean, what are you doing?"

"Wha's it look like!" Dean finally gathered enough strength and tried to shove Castiel away, but the angel was a rock that just wouldn't budge. He looked down at his wrist that was still held tight in the angel's grasp.

"You can't do this."

"Yea? Well fuck you Cas. Y-you don't 'ave to deal wif this shit!" Dean's words were slurring and he didn't care.

Castiel sighed and glanced around at all the bottles on the floor before turning back to Dean. The blue eyes unnerved the hunter as he tried to understand what was going to happen. Castiel held his other hand up. "I'm sorry, Dean." That was the last thing Dean remembered as Castiel placed two fingers on his forehead and his world vanished from him.

-X-

Dean groaned as he rolled over on to his stomach as he tried to reorient himself. The bed beneath him squeaked as he dug his elbows into the mattress to push himself up. He glanced to his left to see Castiel sitting on the bed opposite him. The angel looked odd to him with his trench coat and suit jacket off and hanging on a chair. Castiel was leaning forward on his knees, blue eyes unwavering. Dean glared at him as best he could. His head wasn't hurting, but there was a pounding from suddenly being put to sleep. His mouth was dry as he tried to speak. "Why?" was all he asked.

"I came back to talk to you to find you trying to end your life."

Dean sat up and held back the groan as his stiff body was stretched. "Why did you stop me?"

Castiel watched him as Dean swung his legs over the side of the bed to stare at him. "I couldn't let you do it."

"Oh just because we have to save the damned world again. Thanks for that Cas. I have to sacrifice everything for people who don't even fucking care," Dean growled out. His anger was returning as he felt that crawling emptiness within him. It scratched at him as it tried to climb out.

"You know what this life brings."

"And I hate it! I'm tired of all this shit! We should have stayed in Purgatory!" Castiel stared at Dean with wide eyes as the man yelled at him. Things were finally coming out that had been hidden away for so long. "Sam could have had his apple pie life that he's always wanted while we could have stayed the rest of our lives in a place so pure. You wouldn't be acting weird and I'd always have you by my side without you flying off somewhere." Dean was now staring at the ground with his fingers running through his short hair. He could still smell the booze on himself.

"Dean—"

"Oh, don't use that tone with me!" Dean's head snapped up as he glared at the angel. Everything was wrong with this. That feeling scraping at him from the inside was beginning to drive him insane. He needed his booze. "Where did you hide it all?"

Castiel didn't flinch at the tone. "I got rid of it. You don't need it."

"Like hell I don't."

"Dean, you have to—"

Dean lunged across the space between him and Castiel and grabbed the front of the man's button-up. "I don't have to do anything Castiel." Castiel winced when he realized Dean hadn't used his nickname for the angel. "I don't have to do a single damned thing."

"You've never had to, but you always do," Castiel's voice was calm as his hands came up to grip Dean's. "You never let the people close to you suffer, yet by doing this you are causing Sam to suffer…and me."

"Like either of you care." Dean scoffed and tried to rip his hands away from Castiel, but Cas held him tightly in his grip. Dean stared at the angel with wide eyes as he couldn't even make the man budge.

Castiel's blue eyes had hardened and Dean knew he had crossed that line. "Don't you dare say that Dean Winchester. Sam and I have given everything and more for you. We have put ourselves on the line to save you and you have done the same for us. There is no easy way out of this life. There is no way you can just walk out without causing harm to the last two people you have left in your life. "

Dean struggled against the angel, but his world swam as his view shifted. Suddenly he was on the bed with Castiel over him. Castiel's fingers were digging in to his shoulders as he used his strength to keep Dean pinned beneath him. "Get the fuck off me Cas!"

"No. Not until you listen to me."

"What more do you have to say!? Let me get on with this and everyone can get over this shit already!" Dean was silenced as his cheek suddenly stung. His eyes were wide as he tried to comprehend what exactly just happened. His hand came up to rest against his cheek; he could still feel the sting from Castiel's hand.

"You listen to me. You are not going to do this just because you think your life is pathetic. You refuse to allow anyone in to help you. You refuse to talk to people to help you. When you do try to express things you shut down immediately. Deal with this. Taking your own life is not the answer nor is it the easiest as you leave me with having to pick up the pieces of your brother and me."

"Why the hell does it matter to you Cas?"

"…."

"Exactly what I thought, you can say I'm fucked up all you want, but you're in the same goddamned sinking boat as me."

"I am and I'm not leaving you to drown," Castiel said swiftly.

"Cas—" Dean was cut off by Castiel suddenly leaning down and kissing him. This wasn't exactly what Dean had in mind. The stubble on Cas' chin rubbed against him, sending a shiver through him. He couldn't think properly as his hands came up and gripped Castiel's face. Finally reciprocating the kiss. It wasn't as if Dean had never thought about it. He had spent time in Purgatory trying to grasp everything between him and the angel. When he had finally laid eyes on the angel once again he couldn't stop the smile from forming or the happiness that radiated out of him. Castiel, somehow, managed to make his way under Dean's shell. He couldn't live without his angel. Not anymore. This ignoring him and running from this had to stop or Dean wouldn't make it. Dean pulled away from Castiel's lips and felt Cas rest his forehead on Dean's. "I'm running, but so are you. We can't do this or next time you won't be here. Please, don't leave."

Castiel sat back on Dean's hips and reached up and began unbuttoning his shirt. Dean didn't question it as he sat up, his hands on Castiel's hips as he laid a kiss on the man's exposed neck. Time for questions were gone. This was something they needed. They both sucked at speaking when they really needed to and both relied on their actions to speak for them. Castiel's hands came down and griped the bottom of Dean's shirt. The hunter leaned back enough for Castiel to pull the shirt over his head and was suddenly forced to lie back down. Dean's eyes widened as Cas actually used force to hold him there; it was a bit of a turn on. Dean moved his arms, but his wrists were snatched up and pinned above his head with one of Cas'. Castiel silenced Dean by placing a soft kiss over the tattoo on his chest. Those blue eyes stared back at him as he watched the angel sat up slightly gently releasing Dean's wrists. Castiel finished unbuttoning his shirt and he tossed it behind him.

Dean sat up and wrapped his arms around Castiel, his hands sliding up his back feeling the muscles twitch beneath his touch. He kissed Cas' sternum and one of his hands came up to run through the bottom of Cas' hair while the other gripped his shoulder. Castiel's hands were gripping Dean's hair and pulled him back, tilting him up to look at Castiel. Dean smirked and nipped Castiel's bottom lip before kissing the man for all he was worth. Castiel shivered beneath him and mewled as Dean nibbled on his lower lip before exploring the angel's mouth thoroughly. Dean didn't know what was going to happen after this, but he was intending to make this one hell of a memorable experience. Dean jumped when he felt Castiel's fingers working at the front of his jeans. He smacked Castiel's hands away before pulling the angel flush against him. Castiel groaned at the sudden contact and it made Dean smirk.

Castiel's eyes widened as Dean flipped them so Cas was now on his back while Dean's hands busied themselves with his pants. His mouth on the other hand was leaving marks all down his neck. Castiel couldn't even focus on the fact that Dean had his pants and boxers off without any issues. He whimpered when Dean pulled away, sitting back on his heels almost as if to survey his work. Castiel followed Dean's hands as they slid down his body before pushing the rough jeans off his legs, along with the boxers. Castiel gripped Dean's shoulders and once again forced the hunter to the bottom, straddling the man's hips with ease. He didn't want to wait anymore. He followed Dean's widened gaze and recognized the flash of worry on Dean's face. There was no way to really explain so he figured he would show instead. Dean was already hard and waiting for him. Without saying anything he simply slid down on Dean as best he could. He may be an angel and be able to do this without any problems, but the man beneath him was a bit more than he could take in one go.

Dean groaned at the sudden action the angel took. He gripped the cheap motel sheets beneath him so as to refrain from shoving straight up into him. He breathed deeply as Castiel slowly sank down on him. Inch by grueling inch. He swore and wondered if Cas was going at such a slow pace to tease him. When Castiel finally seated himself fully on Dean the angel was panting. Dean looked down at the sight and honestly didn't think there was anything hotter than a frazzled angel getting ready to ride him in to the mattress.

Castiel's sharp eyes locked with Dean's as he placed his hands on the hunter's chest. He took a deep breath and slowly lifted himself up a few inches before sinking back down. Dean's hands came up to Castiel's waist, but the angel gripped them tightly before putting them back up above Dean's head. Cas looked down at his lover as he pushed back against him. He couldn't help, but watch as Dean tried to move beneath him, craving more. Castiel moved slowly, watching the sweat form along every curve of muscle on Dean. He kept a tight grip on Dean's wrists, not wanting to let him go as he wanted to show Dean exactly why he needed to stay around. Castiel bent forward and placed another kiss on Dean's tattoo before moving down to lick across a taunt nipple making Dean push up. Castiel smirked before biting down not too gently on the tender flesh making Dean's hips push against his roughly.

"Fuck," Dean managed to say before Castiel released the abused flesh and pulled up quickly before slamming back down. Castiel kissed his way back up Dean's chest, keeping a steady and slow pace. He could practically feel how badly Dean wanted to toss him off and just fuck him into the mattress. "Cas, please."

Castiel bit Dean's neck, making the man gasp at the sudden pain before feeling Cas slide back down him harder. Castiel released Dean's hands and let him wrap his hands around Cas' hips. He let Dean grip him tightly enough to bruise knowing that he was going to let the bruises linger as a reminder. Castiel stared down at the man beneath him, the one man he had done everything for and was now giving him everything. Dean's hand slid up Castiel's chest, making Cas' gasp, before sliding down his arm and slipping his fingers in between Castiel's. Dean's other hand came down and wrapped around Castiel making the angel shudder at his touch.

Dean actually smiled at Castiel as he slowly tugged along Castiel's length, knowing that the angel wasn't going to last any longer than he would. Dean bit back the moan as Castiel's pace picked up and his grip on Dean's hand tightened, but he refused to let go. This was one night he wasn't ever going to forget. He pulled Castiel's hand towards him and gently kissed it. This tenderness wasn't something he was used to showing, but only one person truly deserved to be shown it. Dean's hand tightened around Castiel's hand as Dean bit his lip as the pressure inside him finally snapped. Castiel let out what sounded like a whimper as he came across Dean and his hand. Dean didn't care for the mess as he caught Castiel before the angel slumped over sideways. He cradled the man to him, kissing him on the forehead gently. They still had a hold of each other's hand tightly.

"Dean—"

"I'm not going anywhere Cas."

Castiel nodded and let Dean wrap his arm around him and pull him close. This was something he had only ever thought about, never expecting it to become reality. Yet, he knew that this could have gone many different ways. He preferred this ending.

Dean leaned over and clicked off the bedside light before grabbing the sheet and covering the two of them with it. He placed his head on top of Cas' and wrapped an arm around him tightly. Never intending to let their argument pop back up. It didn't take long for Dean to fall asleep while Castiel just laid there and stroked his thumb over Dean's knuckles.

Castiel's eyes snapped open when he realized he forgot to mention two very important things to Dean.

-X-

Sam walked into his motel room and kicked the door closed with his foot before tossing his keys on the dresser. This had been a long day and he really didn't want to do anything else besides crack open a beer and watch stupid TV shows.

"Long time no see Sammy-kins." Sam went stock still as he recognized that voice, the one he would never forget. He slowly looked over his shoulder to see the short man pull a sucker out of his mouth. Sam blinked a few times before fully turning around to really stare at the man sitting in the cheap wooden chair. "What, no hi for your old pal Gabriel?"

-X-

Kevin glanced around the cheap motel he managed to snag with his mom. He glanced at the portion of the tablet, this was practically useless. He needed to get back in touch with Dean and Sam. He couldn't do this on his own. The door opened behind him and he just thought it was his mom coming back, but when nothing was said he immediately grabbed the tablet and chucked it at the person by the door. The woman quickly ducked before springing back to her feet and glaring at Kevin.

"Watch it Prophet! Those damned tablets took me forever to fucking write and you're using them as weapons!"

"Metatron?"

-X-

Fluffystwin: Yes I have hinted at Sabriel and Kevin getting some lovin'. Am I going to write them? Why yes am I. Am I going to post them? I might depending on what everyone thinks. If you guys want I will put them on here.


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